Chisokojin ga Miseta Batsugun no Seikatsu-kan
by R. J. Niner
Summary: Gumi awakens to find herself inside tunnel, having lost her memories of the past few hours after hitting her head from a 52-km fall down a hole. With only her anti-gravity device in hand, she tries to go back up to the surface to her friends, but it's proving to be harder than it looks. One-shot to celebrate Hana Okita's fanfic b-day!


Gumi awoke with a start, shooting up into sitting position. She clutched her head in pain, feeling a large bump on the back of her head. She glanced around, confused about her surroundings.

She was a member of an underground excavation crew that had dug a hole to explore the underground. Apparently, she'd hit her head really hard, a faint light up at the top the only proof that the sky was above her head.

Gumi shut her eyes, her head pounding as she tried to focus. She didn't have any memories of the past few hours, just a giant blank hole between the present and her last memory of them starting to dig the hole.

How had she even gotten down here? But more importantly, just how was she going to get out?

From what she could see, the hole above her was a good 52 kilometers deep, wide enough for a person to fall through yet just barely enough for light to reach her. Gumi felt anxiety starting to fill her. Isolated in this underground tunnel, this was truly a state of emergence. Gumi glanced around her. Besides some stray moles that poked their head out of the ground, she noticed the anti-gravity device that her team had managed to create, its pink metallic surface glinting under the weak light. Gumi felt a grin appear on her face.

Glancing back up at the sky far away from her, she knew this was her one and only way to go back to her investigation team. She was going to use the anti-gravity device to get back onto Earth's surface.

Just as she picked up the strange, round device and swung the device on her back, Gumi thought she heard a loud rumbling sound. She glanced up nervously. Her eyes almost fell out of their sockets, wide open with shock as she watched a horde of underground caveman came barreling into view. Their heads were sharped drills just like their hands, their faces in a red, down arrow that was encased in their cylinder bodies, while their legs and arms were eerily orange-pink and skinny. They were holding buckets of water containing shampoo and soap, towels round their waist, apparently having just taken a bath.

As she stared at them, she noticed how one of the underground cavemen didn't have a towel with him. Their eyes met, and Gumi took a step back, wary of the way its eyes were glinting like there was some mad plan forming in the creature's mind.

Before she could run, it suddenly burst into a sprint, somehow snatching the anti-gravity device off Gumi's back. Gumi let out a horrified scream, but let out a big sigh of relief when she realized she was unharmed.

Then, she realized what the underground caveman had done.

"HEY! Give it back to me!" Gumi shouted just in time to witness the creature wipe its face on the machine like it was a towel.

"Uh… I'm sure that doesn't absorb water very well," Gumi managed to spurt out, completely devastated by the theft as she watched helplessly as the caveman used her only escape as a towel. It gave her a side glance before throwing something at Gumi, which she barely caught in surprise.

"A hanger?" she demanded. "What the hell am I going to do with this?"

But the underground cavemen had already wandered off, heading towards a steaming pool of water.

Defeated, Gumi glanced further into the tunnel and decided to head forward to test her luck. Maybe she'd find something else to help her.

Just as she was walking forward, a cinnamon colored dog, covered in dirt and soot, suddenly fell out of nowhere in front of her. It'd apparently been looking for bones, so vigorously that it'd created a 52 kilometer hole down into this tunnel, landing plop right in front of her.

Before she could make some sarcastic remark though, its eyes suddenly light up and it burst into a run at Gumi. She gave another terrified scream just as it snatched the hanger with its mouth. Gumi was about to shout at the dog when she realized it had put the hanger around its neck to replace a collar.

"Oi…" Gumi spluttered, watching hopelessly as the dog posed with the hanger on its neck to no one in particular, sparkles and bubbles shining around it. "What are you trying to do? Be some bold piece of clothing or whatever that's supposed to be?" Gumi muttered almost speechlessly. Maybe she was losing it. She really had no idea what she was talking about.

The dog just snorted at her and threw a few durians at Gumi, its tail whisking behind it as the dog went off to search for more bones. Her nose wrinkling at the smell, Gumi tenderly picked the prickly fruit up into her arms. She muttered, "Ugh. This smells terrible."

Unfortunately, it was the only thing Gumi had. She had no choice but to keep walking with her newfound items. A light was ahead, so Gumi broke into a run, hoping there were some people. She stopped short of the person's feet, almost choking, half because of the smell of the durians, half because of the sight in front of her.

The feet looked normal enough, though the toenails were quite a dirty sight. She took the risk and carefully peaked up into the hole. Someone was sitting up there, this 52 kilometer apparently made especially for their terribly long and skinny legs.

She was just wondering if she should call up to the person in hopes that they'd hear her, but she seemed to have been discovered first. With one swift motion, Gumi had just barely enough time to dodge as the feet shot towards her, snatching the durians as a replacement for socks.

Her mouth hanging open, aghast, the feet stuck into the durians and went into their sneakers. She tried to warn, "What are you doing? It'll be stinky! And the durians will stick out of your shoes!"

She wasn't sure if the person heard her. The feet moved as if on their own accord, kicking a giant tree clipper towards Gumi, which she just barely caught, almost collapsing under its weight.

When the feet made no notion of bothering Gumi any further, she could only trudge forward dejectedly, dragging the tree clipper behind her. Was it just her, or was she drowning herself in one situation worse than the next?

"GRAAA!" someone shrilly shouted, almost scaring Gumi out of her skin. She squinted and saw a little kid, soiled from head to foot in his elementary school uniform. From the amount of yams around him, Gumi deduced that he must have been digging endlessly to harvest the food, but for whatever reason, she really didn't care. Gumi seriously didn't know why someone would do that to the point of digging a 52 kilometer hole into the ground.

The bubble gum that the kid was chewing popped with a loud crack. His eyes fell on the tree clipper in Gumi's hand and his eyes immediately glinted with something close to malice.

"IT'S MINE!" he shouted, somersaulting through the air and snatching the item, shocking Gumi with a forceful push on her head to complete his endeavor. Before she could even wonder what he wanted them for, he'd already held it up to his hands, his fingernails long and dirty.

"H-hey," Gumi stammered, shaking with anticipation as some demonic fire surrounding the kid, his shaking hand holding the clipper. "If you do it wrong you'll cut your fingers off!"

The kindergartner paused for moment before dropping the clipper to the ground. Gumi let out a sigh of relief, thankful the kid wasn't going to cut himself. She was wrong. Instead, he grabbed a giant iron pot off the ground and gave it to Gumi before sitting down again, set on cutting his nails.

Gumi could only watch, hopelessly. At the last second, she turned and ran, deciding not to care whether the creepy little kid was going to hurt himself or not.

She hadn't run far when she ran into a father with two little kids, all wearing matching outfits of a green shirt with a heart over the earth that was on the shirt front, the same yellow hats with leaves sticking out of it on their heads. Gumi tentatively asked, "Uh, what are you doing here?"

"We're digging a well!" the little girl perked up grinning. Gumi wanted so badly to retort at the unrealistic pursuit of this "well" that went down 52 kilometers into the earth, but the father interrupted her thoughts.

Eyeing the pan, he declared, "And that's just what I needed!"

He dashed towards Gumi, running round and round her till she was dizzy. He grabbed the pot, immediately starting to dig again with his newfound tool.

"I'm pretty sure a bucket would be better, right?" she almost desperately advised, watching desolately as her stuff was taken again. Really she shouldn't have been surprised by now, but it was depressing all the same.

"Don't worry about it," the boy said, grinning at Gumi.

"Here, take this," the girl offered, handing Gumi a green pumpkin with a strange looking face on it. "Have fun, investigator nee-chan!"

They waved and sat down to play near their dad, who was still working like crazy with little luck. Gumi took one look at the scene and decided she'd rather not bug these crazy people any further, choosing to run further into the tunnel.

Just ahead, she thought she saw a faint light. It turned out to be some legendary sword engulfed in strange green flames, stuck 52 kilometers into the ground and waiting for some worthy hero to pull it out. Gumi approached it curiously when a mole suddenly popped out of the ground, tripping her over her own feet. She immediately picked herself and began to apologize to the animal but she froze in her tracks. Her eyes almost popped out of its sockets as she watched the pumpkin that she'd ultimately received for her anti-gravity device fly into the sword, cut straight in half through the middle.

Tears starting to form in her eyes, she went over and picked the pumpkin up, clutching its two sides to her cheeks. The underground world was so scary, Gumi thought, tearing up as she wailed over her predicament. How was she ever going to return to the surface now? Even the pumpkin she'd gotten was nearly destroyed. What was she going to do?

The mole that's caused her to trip nudged her feet, making a small squeaking noise that was almost like encouragement. After a few moments of sniffling, Gumi had to smile as she petted the animal's head, a silent understanding between them.

That was right. How could she lose now? She would never give up until the end, when she'd succeeded. It was time to steal her anti-gravity device back.

She pumped her fists into the air and clenched her teeth, her determination rekindling. Grabbing the two pumpkin halves, she ran back the way she came, ready to take on anything to go back to her team and Earth's surface.

She came across the crazy father again, who was still digging a hole with not much progress. The two kids noticed Gumi and waved. The boy remarked, "Hi again!"

"Hey, there's something I want to give you," Gumi said confidently, beckoning the two kids over. Resting one pumpkin half on her head, she broke the other part into the pieces and grabbed a tub of water, slowly stirring it until it became pumpkin water. She dumped it with the well water that they had discovered and told the kids to press the pump. The family went back up to the surface through some rather impressive climbing skills and the little girl pressed the pump. A wave of pumpkin water washed out, well water having turned to pumpkin soup and successfully washing the father off into the house as the boy watched, speechless and amazed.

Gumi was slightly miffed that they had been able to go back up there so easily, but it didn't matter. Score one, she'd gotten the pot back.

She ran off again until she met the rowdy kindergartener again. Surprisingly, all his fingers were still intact. A miracle of course, but Gumi was only interested in getting the tree clippers back.

The kid gave her a glare, popping his bubble as Gumi declared, "Hey, you brat! Fight me for your yams!"

She grabbed her pot and charged at the kid, scooping up dirt on the way. The kid let out something resembling a battle cry and leapt towards Gumi, tree clipper in hand.

"Too slow!" Gumi shouted, snatching all of the kid's yams and burying them under a giant pile of dirt. With this towering success, she knew she'd destroyed the kid's spirit to even fight with her, now that his precious hard work was wasted. And with this, taking back the clippers was a piece of cake.

She dashed off with her reacquired item, back to where the person with long legs was still sitting, his feet still in its durian socks and ripped shoes. Without a word, Gumi ran up and cut his shoes into piece, the durians bursting off his feet, revealing the long toenails that Gumi had first seen.

"Take this!" she shouted, cutting the nails with acute precision, leaving them clean and smooth as the feet trembled in midair, apparently aware that Gumi could've easily cut off a toe.

It left Gumi enough time. She threw down the clippers and grabbed the durians. Just a few ways to go, and she'd win!

It didn't take long run before she met the dog with the hanger around its neck again. She approached, her entire body exuding a dangerous aura as the dog gave her a wary glare, its tongue hanging out. Before it can snap at her, Gumi grabbed the dog by his feet, her eyes glinting madly as she stuck the prickly durians onto its feet. With a whimper, the dog trembled under Gumi's glare, unable to move while the stinky smell of the fruit filled its nostrils. Gumi just gave a determined "Hmph!" and retrieved the hanger, storming off to find her final opponent.

She found the underground cavemen coming out of a fresh bath in the steaming pool again, unaware of her approach. It was easy to find the anti-gravity device in the mix, her target still carrying it around in its arm. She growled, unable to understand just what part of the machine resembled a towel, but enough. She didn't care. With a loud shout, she leapt into the air and forced the hanger over the target's head. The creature gave a start, a completely horrified look on its face as the hanger broke the glass arrow that apparently protected its face. Gumi was completely unsympathetic with its situation as other cavemen cowered behind her, fearful for their own fates. They should be, Gumi thought defiantly, grabbing more hangers and hanging them all up on a horizontal pole. It was about time they aired themselves out rather than bury themselves into the dirty, wet ground.

She studied her handiwork proudly and grabbed her finally regained anti-gravity device off the ground, carefully wiping it dry with a towel. She swung it onto her back and gave the button that controlled the machine a little push. She was able to get off the ground, so it looked like it would work. With her pumpkin half in hand, she leapt into the air, the anti-gravity device pushing her off into the tunnel.

Finally, she could go back to the earth's surface! Her only worry was for her lost teammates in the excavation squad. As she stared up at the light at the end of the hole, she couldn't help but wonder if they would be okay. But they were a tough crew. They'd be alright, wouldn't they?

There was some loud ruckus going on at the top, the mess of her crew's voices. Tired, Gumi pushed her way onto the ground, panting for breath when something hit her smack in the face. She struggled onto the earth and picked the thing off her face in disgust, throwing the banana peel away from her while dodging other bombardments of trash.

"Hey! You bastards! Don't use our excavation hole as a trash can!" she hollered, getting up onto her feet to glare at her teammates.

"Oh! It's Gumi!" one teammate remarked, waving at her with a grin. "We thought you'd died down there!"

"That's not funny!" Gumi shouted back, angrily storming over. "And why the hell are you having a barbeque?"

She glared at the grill resentfully, watching as the other members of the team continued to throw on meat and vegetables, skewering them to eat, full of life and excitement.

"Well, we all got back here early, and you were taking a long time," a fellow member, Yuuma replied. Gumi glared at his pink hair, strange for such a serious boy. She growled unhappily, almost annoyed that her team had been having so much fun when she could've been stuck in the hole forever.

Nearby, she spotted the legendary sword, however strange an artifact it was to be here. She glanced at the pumpkin she'd saved in her hands before walking over to slice it into two. It'd been a good companion, the one thing that had saved her and helped her retrieve her only means to survival. Now though, she guess she should just enjoy the most out of the food she'd saved.

"Hey, don't be so angry," one of her friends said, offering a kabob to her as a peace offering. Gumi's tick mark on her forehead still didn't disappear, but she accepted it, taking large bites into her food. Man, she was hungry.

Yuuma was next to her, nibbling off of an ear of corn. She stared at the edge of his pink hair that peeked out of his green hat, moving slightly with the wind as he turned his head to eat along the cob, skillfully holding three kabobs in his other hand as he stuffed his mouth with food.

Gumi suddenly burst into a big smile. When asked what was wrong she just shook her head, still smiling sweetly. The anti-gravity device was just between her and Yuuma. Without warning, she wrapped her arms around Yuuma and the device, hugging them close to her as she pressed her head to Yuuma's back. The entire team fell silent, shocked by Gumi's actions.

"You know what, Yuuma," Gumi started, taking in Yuuma's expression of pure shock and confusion. "I've was just thinking about this, but do you want to know something?"

"W-what?" Yuuma stammered, a tint of red on his face as he stared back at Gumi's shining eyes. She…she wasn't about to do what he thought Gumi was going to do right?

Gumi's hold tightened around Yuuma's waist. After a moment of heavy silence, she whispered with an almost crazy grin, "I don't know why….but your pink hair is REALLY ANNOYING ME TODAY!"

With a great, hidden fury and strength, she clasped the anti-gravity device onto Yuuma's belt and grabbed Yuuma's collar, spinning like a whirlwind and throwing him into the hole she'd just come out of. There was only a long trail of Yuuma's surprised shout as he fell through space, the rest of the team watched, eyes wide with shock and disbelief, a hint of fear in the mix.

Wiping her hands on her pants, Gumi turned back to her crew and smiled sweetly, "So, who wants to go next?"

* * *

Yuuma awoke with a start, shooting up into sitting position. He clutched his head in pain, feeling a large bump on the back of his head. He glanced around, confused about his surroundings.

He was a member of underground excavation crew that had dug a hole to explore the underground. Apparently, he'd hit his head really hard, a faint light up at the top the only proof that the sky was above his head.

Yuuma shut her eyes, his head pounding as he tried to focus. He didn't have any memories of the past few hours, just a giant blank hole between the present and his last memory of them starting to dig the hole.

How had he even gotten down here? But more importantly, just how was he going to get out?

* * *

**THE END**

**..**

**..**

**..**

**LESS?**

* * *

**A/N: I think I'll be going on a Ie no Ura de Manbou ga Shinderu-P songfic spree... He has fun songs... The song's based off of "Chisokojin ga Miseta Batsugun no Seikatsu-kan" or roughly translated: "Sense of Living That the Subterranean People Displayed" (or so the Internet says..) Go listen to it if you haven't! XD**

**So.. I wrote this for Hana Okita's fanfic birthday! Why I chose this song, I don't know. I was out of ideas, though this song seemed like a random fun thing that might suit Hana-chan's personality XP (or it's just me that thinks that...) Either way, I look forward to another great year of stories from you, Hana-chan! \(^_^)/**

**Thanks for reading!**


End file.
